So sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been super busy, and in all honesty avoiding the computer at all cost simply because I don't really know what I want to do with school. I'm leaning towards psychology and possibly being a school counselor, or a counselor who works with special needs children, or a substance abuse counselor... yeah so many choices. It's quite obnoxious.
In the past three months... dad got a job about 2 hours from where I live, I quit my schooling for special education due to not wanting to deal with the politics of education over my students, I finally got a honeymoon with my husband to the Bahamas WOO, and I've continued my awesome therapy sessions.
I've been super worried that my dad won't keep this job because he already doesn't seem happy with it. I don't think he'll ever be happy wherever he goes. I discussed this with my therapist and we came to the conclusion that it comes from his PTSD. Let me backtrack a little bit; my dad was staying with my husband and me because he didn't have anywhere else to go. It was only for 2 weeks, but that was definitely long enough. My dad and I worked together applying him for jobs and getting him back on track. One night we went to Burger King and this lady who worked there was cleaning the tables. She dropped something and it made a really loud noise. My dad closed his eyes and cringed. "You ok?" I asked. He opened his eyes and simply said "loud noises." We continued eating our meal then went home. I talked to him a little bit that night and I told him that I think he subconsciously screws things up for himself because he doesn't think he deserves it. I told him that he does deserve a good job and deserves to be happy. He said, "You're exactly right. I have to keep a job to prove to you that I can do good for myself, and I can do good for you." "Don't do it for me dad, do it for you, then you can worry about me."
So, back to how my therapist and I came to the conclusion of dad's major issues all coming from PTSD. I told him this story, and told him how dad seems to never be happy in one place. I told him I think it's the Army's fault because he was used to getting moved from the states to Afghanistan and Iraq. He was never stateside for more than 6 months, and when he was he was getting ready for another deployment. The deployments lasted 16 to 18 months, but you are always on the move when you're deployed. My therapist said that my dad is probably more comfortable on the move because that's what he got used to. Not to mention, whenever you feel safe over there, you are usually not, so once you start to feel cozy and warm, you start to freak out a little.
I have a friend who is in the Army. We talk a lot, and he has told me over and over again that he expects to die in the line of duty, and that if he doesn't, he will feel like he didn't amount to anything, and didn't accomplish his job. He also told me that he feels like a piece of shit when he's stateside. I asked him if he thinks the Army has brainwashed him to think that way, and he said no. I said..."you seriously don't think that the Army has made you alienate yourself away from people to be prepared to die? You really don't believe they changed your way of thinking?" he didn't respond.
Anyways, the point of this not very well put together blog entry, was to catch you up a little bit and kind of give you an understanding of what I've learned about my father and many other veterans in our country. There is a reason why each and every one of these veterans act the way they do. For the time they were in war, they had to survive, and they stay in that state of mind even after they get home and out of the war zones. If there was a way we could help these people that would be great, like maybe mandatory therapy, or something. But the military doesn't care enough to make them go. They think that their Soldiers, Marines, Airmen, Seamen, and every other serviceman can handle anything when a lot of them are just like you and me. Ok, end rant...
