I probably should have introduced myself a little better part 2.

My father got out of rehab and seemed to be getting his life back together. He couldn't find a job in our town so he decided to look into the army. The army was very excited to get him and told him he would go in as a captain because he was enlisted before that for 7 years. Well, we drove about 2 hours for him to swear in, and then it was just the hurry up and wait time. He had about 6 months before he actually went to officer's basic training. Til then they just expected him to twiddle his thumbs I guess.

One day I got home from school and noticed dad wasn't there. I asked mom where he was and she said she didn't know. I got ready for work and didn't think much of it. Then I got home from work, and dad still wasn't there. He had gone 4 months without messing up! Why would he do that again when he knows he's going into the army soon? Why would he fuck this up as well? The next morning he came home once again looking like a dog with his tail between his legs. I told him I did not want to talk to him, and I couldn't wait until he went to Texas for basic.

The next few months passed very quickly, and before I knew it, dad was off to Texas for basic training. A part of me felt bad for how relieved I felt. I no longer had to hide my jewelry, hide my cds, hide my electronics, or worry about my car title getting pawned. My mom was no longer in a bad mood either. My brother never really showed his feelings which made me very scared. I didn't know what he was going to do, how he coped with everything, and why he was so angry all the time. I later found out that he coped with this through sex with multiple girls. Not only do I need therapy, but the whole family needs therapy, we're a little screwed up.

My father went to basic and got stationed at his first duty station. He wanted my mom, brother and me to move there but my mom wasn't willing to nor were my brother and I. Yes my parents were still married, but as mom says now, she couldn't have trusted dad enough to start over in a new state. Looking back now I wish we would have moved there, simply because my father wouldn't have gone looking for something to fill the hole of his family not being there.

Dad called us one day and told us that he was going to be deployed to Afghanistan for 2 years. He relapsed before he went. He told me multiple times when he finally got back from over seas that he thought he was going to die there, and that's why he "lost his mind" again before he left. He couldn't deal with the stress of us not being there, and feeling like he was going to die.

Now mom and dad are divorced, I'm living in Georgia again, (not in my home town) and I have the greatest husband alive. On the surface I look ok, but if you were able to see inside of me, you would see a heart with stitches, a mind that won't let anyone in, and memories that could kill a person. I pray that this will help that. Getting advice from other people or just simply getting this off my chest by getting it out in the open will help.