"Your mother's supposed to get you your first tampon, your dad's supposed to go with you to get your first license."

I was watching Secret life of the American teenager, and something was said that struck a nerve. "Your mother is supposed to get you your first tampon, your dad's supposed to go with you to get your first license." It's amazing how much my mother had to do for me over the years.

My dad was in rehab when I got my license so my mom had to take me to the DMV so I could drive myself around. My dad should have been there. He was the one who pretty much taught me how to drive around in the school parking lot, he was the one who let me sit in his lap when I was 8 years old and steer the wheel in the driveway. Why was he not there for me when I got my license? Oh yeah, because he was in rehab for being addicted to crack.

I can't imagine how my brother feels. He was only 13 when this mess started. My father and I have a good relationship right now, but only because I'm a very forgiving person. My brother tries to have a good relationship with dad, but can't seem to have as good of one as dad and I do. My brother didn't know dad as well as me. I was daddy's little girl, and he was mommy's little boy. That's just how it was and he didn't fully understand what was going on at 13.

I knew who dad was, and knew that he was just making horrible decisions. My brother didn't. My husband has big issues with my dad. Any time that I think he's relapsed I automatically tell my husband. My husband says "he's such a dumbass!" I don't like the fact that my husband thinks of my father that way. My husband is supposed to respect my father, and he doesn't at all. I constantly tell him that dad is such a great man, that he loves me with all of his heart, and that I wish he would have known him before the drugs. He just can't understand how you can love somebody so much and hurt them over and over again. More importantly he hates to see me hurting, and can't stand anyone who makes me hurt. It hurts me to the bone to know that my husband will never know the father that I know.

No matter what, dad will always be in a battle against crack. No matter how long he stays sober, he's always going to think about it, it's always going to be in the back of his head. He's like a zombie, but instead of wanting brains, he wants crack.