The new year

This was originally written Tuesday January 7th, 2010.

Thank the good Lord Jesus that 2010 is over! It's not so much that a lot of bad things happened in 2010, but that the bad things that did happen were really bad things!

1) My husband got deployed.
2) Dad go deployed.
3) My husband's Granddaddy died.
4) Dad almost got shot.
5) Dad got in legal trouble because of some stupid bitch.
6)Mom and Dad got divorced.
7)Dad's living with a woman.
8) Mom found out about the other woman.
9) Parents are  not friends anymore.
10)Having to move to Georgia.

Yeah it's amazing how much all of those things affected me. I guess it makes me stronger in the end, but I'll be damned if it still doesn't hurt.

#1) Made me feel so alone even though I went back to my hometown to stay with my mom and brother. I hated every minute of it. I was in a major depression and drank all the time. I think it would have been better for me to have stayed in Arkansas.

#2) Constantly had me worried because the place he was in was not safe.

#3) I was in the room when his grandfather passed. Even though the whole family was in there it was horrible. The look on his Granny's face when she said goodbye for the last time, seeing my husband's brother and dad cry for the first time, watching his Grandfather struggle for each final breath. I was even more upset that my husband couldn't be there. I remember going home and crawling in my mom's lap and crying my eyes out. The funeral was beautiful, he looked so peaceful at the viewing as well. I remember sitting under the tent and looking at the place my husband should have been standing with the rest of the barrers. It was rainy and cold so they tried to make the service quick. Afterward we went to the church that Granddaddy had so much to do with. I think that was the most painful part, being in a place where you could physically see things he built with his own hands. I kept expecting him to walk through the door. I remember looking over at Granny and seeing her surrounded by multiple people. I felt bad for her. If I were in her shoes I would want to be left alone. Those few day are so vivid to me.

#4) Dad (no matter how much pain he's caused) is my superhero. If he would have died, I probably would be in intense therapy. His almost getting shot really scared me.

#5) I worried constantly about dad getting kicked out of the Army because some lie this stupid bitch made up.

#6) I think we know how much this one affected me. I couldn't believe that my mom was calling it quits after 22 years of marriage, and making it through so much.

#7) Dad living with another woman really bugged me. He was already friends with her before the divorce, and I think he had an affair with her. I guess it doesn't matter now, but I just didn't see how he could move on as fast as he did. This pissed me off immensely, but it's not my place to say anything. He's a grown man...what can I say?

#8) I literally cried when mom found out about this. I knew how hurt she was because the divorce wasn't even final when he moved in with this lady. I could see the hurt in my mom's eyes, and could feel her heart breaking.

#9) My parents not being friends anymore is heartbreaking. They've known each other more than half of their lives, and dad just threw that away with some chick he's know a max of 4 years. Dumb ass.

#10) I had a life in Arkansas, I had friends, a great job, places I could go, and my own life. Having to just pick up and go back to Georgia where I'm so close to all my fears and bad memories was not on my to do list. It's not so bad seeing my family and friends often, but I hate not having a job, and going to my hometown a lot. I'm just not happy here.