I told dad I'm going to therapy.

So, I told my dad today that I'm starting therapy next month. He looked at me and said "I'm sorry, I know it's cause of me." I said "it's not just you, but yes, that is why I started searching for a therapist in the first place. I get angry a lot and have a lot of trust issues because of what you did and I need to work through them in order to get myself better and healed."

For once I wasn't scared to say something to his face, I wasn't scared I was going to hurt his feelings, I wasn't scared that he would crumble to the floor in little pieces. Why was I so afraid to talk to him about this? Why was I so scared that he would hate me? Why did I feel like he would do anything other than apologize?

I think because of all the years I watched my father be so emotionally unstable and so mentally warped, I thought that he would go back to that state of mind. My father's sober now, and drugs were the only reason he acted like that. I really need to get that into my head. I need to get used to this new person in my life. I need to get used to the fact that after a few years or so, I may have my old dad back. I may actually get exactly what I have wanted all of these years.

Wow...things are looking up.