Well I got a call from my dad's friend and she said that he showed up at my Grandma's house late last night. My Grandma got up and saw him sleeping in his car and got him to come inside.
I really hope my dad hasn't burned any bridges with his friends or mom. This particular friend has given him a place to stay, given him classes to get a good job, and has a job lined up for him once he finishes the classes. Grandma has paid his bills for him, has given him money to pay for his classes, has fed him, and has clothed him.
Yesterday my husband told me that if my dad had relapsed the deal is off for him staying here. I don't know if dad did relapse or not. I don't know if I want to know. I always assume he has relapsed when he goes missing for at least 24 hours, but I was wrong about that last time so who knows.
My husband asked me yesterday how my dad could be so selfish and I shed a tear. I then told him he's not in the right frame of mind. After that my dad's friend called me and asked me if I knew anywhere dad could be and I told her to look a few places. He wasn't there. After I got off the phone with her I started crying. The hubs came in and hugged me which made me lose it even more. I then spent hours crying after that.
We finally went to bed and had a heart to heart. One thing that really made me cry was him saying "I wish your dad would get hit by a truck so he could feel an ounce of pain that he makes you feel. I'm so tired of seeing him hurt you, and I just want to kill him sometimes. I don't understand how someone can hurt you over and over again. You're such a forgiving and good person." I replied with "I wish I wasn't because it leaves you out in the open to get hurt over and over again."
I called my brother and told him he finally showed up at Grandma's because we were about to call the cops and send out a missing persons report. He said "fuck him I'm not letting him make me feel bad anymore for not spending enough time with him." Yesterday he also said "Dad will call you first because he loves you more than me." I said "no he doesn't! He loves you just as much as me." He said "you know that's not true." What are you supposed to say to that?! Now that I think about it I think dad does love me more. At least he talks to me more. I hate that. He should love my brother the same as me, but I don't think he does. I really hope my brother isn't jealous of mine and dad's relationship because I love my brother more than life.
UGH! THERE ARE SO MANY FUCKING PROBLEMS THAT I DON'T FEEL LIKE DEALING WITH RIGHT NOW! FUCK THIS!
You're showing your dad way more care than your brother is. You're simply putting forth more effort to make sure he's okay and to keep the relationship going. He's definitely going to flock to you before he does to your brother. Also, daddy-daughter relationships are something super special, so it's almost a given that he would contact you first.
ReplyDeleteI think you're going to exhaust yourself with worry. I'm almost at that point. And I agree 100% that he shouldn't stay with you if he relapsed. At that point, you can't do anything to help him without getting hurt (more).