"Your brother's physically ill."

Well, my dad's coming to my hometown for good or something like that. He's trying to get a job, and it will be easier for him to get a Georgia license more than a Texas license. I've kind of been begging him to stay with me because I really do not want him in the town where he has connections to drugs. He is never in the right frame of mind when he's there, kind of like I'm not.

I've been keeping my mom and brother up to date on where dad is on his journey from Texas to Georgia, and when I was on the phone with my mom she said my brother is physically ill and has been since he found out dad was moving back. This brought tears to my eyes. I realized that my brother does feel very strongly about everything with dad, he just deals with it completely different, but he's hurt just as much as I am. I kind of wanted to believe that he was oblivious to everything, or didn't care. I wanted to believe that he was too young to remember or know everything that went on when dad started with drugs, but he wasn't, and he's not.

It's kind of like God has been intervening with dad making it to Georgia. He was supposed to be in my hometown Tuesday, but the people didn't inspect his apartment til late that day so he didn't leave til Wednesday. Wednesday he got caught in a hail storm not even an hour away from where he lived in Texas and also got a nail in his tire. He had to get a room and stay there over night. Thursday he left that place and probably got rerouted because of all the flooding that happened, and today there have been no problems that i know of so he should be in my hometown this afternoon. My brother learned about all of this stuff, looked at my mom and said "divine intervention?"

I don't know if I can handle this. As my friend said, "You can't be your dad's babysitter." I can't and I know that, but I can at least get him an hour and a half away from where he doesn't need to be. There's a hospital here, and so many little doctor's offices he could work in. My greatest hope and wish for my father is for him to be doing the job he loves and to be healthy physically and mentally. I want to see him smile and laugh again. I want to see him feel like he's worth something again. My dad has screwed up in the past but he doesn't deserve to be homeless, jobless, and depressed. In fact it scares me when he's like this because him feeling like this makes him look for something to mask it, and we all know what that is.

It's so scarey how I actually understand why he goes looking for things to make him feel better, because they do make you feel better. No they don't fix the problem, and no you don't feel good from them forever, but for a little while you forget your pain. You forget why you went looking for that little thing that makes you feel on top of the world. You just sit back go to a place made up in your head that's almost like heaven, close yout eyes, and smile...