I don't know why I try to make dad rethink going back to Texas, if I learned that I had to move back to Arkansas, I would go back in a heartbeat and not think twice about it, hell I would be jumping for joy. I would definitely miss my friends and family here, but I loved my life in Arkansas, and I was so far away from all of my problems there that I rarely thought about them.
Sometimes I'm so selfish without meaning to be. I have to look at this from my father's point of view. My dad's miserable in my hometown, he hates getting constantly reminded of his screw ups, he hates getting constantly reminded of his ex wife who he claims to be in love with still even though he was in a relationship before he was even divorced, and he hates having to rely on other people for money, food, and shelter. Just like me in Arkansas, dad had a life in Texas, and he was happy there. It is far enough away from his problems that he rarely thought about them.
I love having my father at my every beckoning call, and I love being able to physically see him, but I have to think about what is best for him, and what is best for him is him going back to Texas and starting a new life. I will definitely miss my father, and I will miss being able to see him, but I have decided that if he gets this job in Texas, I will shed a tear or two watching him drive away out of my life again, but I will do it with a smile on my face and try to be the proudest daughter a daughter can be.
He's not "driving out of your life." Physical presence means nothing if someone isn't mentally/spiritually/emotionally sound. It is definitely going to be hard not seeing him, but with him getting the chance to start over and get himself together, he can be a better man and dad to you. When he comes back to visit, the time y'all spend together will be even better.
ReplyDeleteI think he's in love with what he and your mom used to have. Not to say that she has completely moved on, but she has come to the realization that he's no longer the person she married, mostly due the the addiction. Your mom has stayed pretty constant, so it's easy for him to still be in love with her. Nothing he can do about it, man. Time heals wounds. :/